So in my creating writing class, I am trying to take advantage by venturing into scenes that may be in “Biological Mother.” It’s not easy. I think I cried throughout this whole piece. Please tell me what you think, and if you think it may help another going through this situation, then, please, please, share!
In life pain can be a downfall or a drive.
I was shocked that he could sign the papers so quickly. How? How could he?
I started at eight and it was now thirty minutes in and I was having trouble concentrating on all the legalities. I sat on the bed with my dad supporting me. My body was running by itself. I wasn’t even able to sign the first page.
How could I? I would have to be heartless. He proved he was heartless by signing the papers as quick as possible.
The lawyer was going on and on, but I really didn’t understand what he was saying. I was more worried about controlling my breathing and my sobs that escaped my throat every now and then.
My dad was listening though. He told me what to sign or initial.
The stack of papers was horrendous, but it had to be done. With adoption you want to make sure every “i” is dotted and all your “t’s” are crossed.
But how could he sign them in less than thirty minutes? That wasn’t the man I knew.
“Initial this one,” my dad said.
“This one?” I choked and pointed to the blurred line that was before me.
“Yes, it says that if anything happens to the adoptive parents, she would come back to you,” my dad repeated what the lawyers had just said.
I knew they were there in the room. Two men dressed in dark suits. I heard them speak every now and then, but I never really heard everything they said.
My mom was in the room to, but she was in as bad of shape as I was. Her skinny body needed food, but she was at the window seat in the hospital room. Her face was red and swollen from crying. She was watching her baby cry and plead to take care of the child she bore four days ago.
But we all knew it would be hard for a fifteen year old to raise a child. That’s why adoption was the best bet. She would get a mom and dad that could provide for her and I would be able to finish school.
When I agreed to adoption, I never imagined how hard it would be to give up a piece of me. She was my flesh, my blood, my baby.
I choked on a sob and let the water works start again. They were becoming harder to control as the stack of papers became smaller and there was the first page I still had to sign. It was getting closer and closer. It was the page I didn’t want to see. The page I didn’t want to come.
It was ten now. The lawyers had been there for two hours, and we still weren’t finished.
Someone made remarks that they never dealt with so much emotion in an adoption case. How heartless could people be? I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I was only fifteen, but in four days I saw more miracles than I could ever imagine.
That was it with the papers. I only had one more signature. The lawyers flipped the stack of papers back to the first page.
I stared through puffy, watery eyes. I don’t know how much time had passed, but I felt my dad nudge me.
“You can do it,” he said.
I choked and started crying again. People who heard me must have thought I was a hysterical mess.
My dad held me until my weeping started to lessen.
I looked back at my last line to sign. Once again I stared and then I started shaking my head, “no, no, no, no, no. I can’t.” My teeth were gritted as I forced the words out, “I can’t.”
My dad released a sob, “Baby, you can.”
He grabbed an inspirational book that was given to me in the many gifts that surrounded me in the room. He sobbed again before placing the book in front of me.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever shall believeth shall not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16”
I nodded my head with a new strength. I looked at my dad, “If God could give his only son, I can give my daughter a chance.”
I picked up the pen and signed my name to the line that stated I no longer had any rights over my child, my own flesh and my own blood.
I felt my soul ripping from me as I flew back into my dad’s arms.
I screamed, cried, and was in complete hysterics. “My baby, my baby, I want my baby.”
In life pain can be a downfall or a drive. In my life it is drive. This moment was not the end, but a beginning of not just one, but two lives.